“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.”
– John F. Kennedy
I started writing this blog post over two weeks ago, before everything started blowing up with the Judge Kavanaugh Supreme Court Nomination. I still don’t know how it is going to end. But as the attempted rape and sexual assault charges have started coming in and the stories of what happens in fraternities is recounted around the country, I have to keep revising this post. The microcosm of the Kavanaugh drama is such a perfect example of the macrocosm of what is still happening to women around the world. And women are pissed off. It’s as if these Senators have been saying to us – ‘#MeToo Movement be damned!’ It’s been a harsh and painful reminder that we’re still in a patriarchal society where men in power rule.
But I’m not writing this post just to blame men and complain about the way things are. I’m writing this because I believe I can do something about this myself. And I believe that every woman on the planet can do something about this that will make a change. It doesn’t mean you have to get out there and become big news to make the change. You don’t have to become a spectacle of social media, or the punching bag for every sexist, fear-mongering male out there who never wants to see a woman do anything but be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. You can make the changes without anyone even really becoming aware of what you are doing. And that is the beauty of it. It’s time we dropped the pebble into the middle of the pond and watched the ripples spread out from here all across the world.
While there are numerous steps we can take to begin to make changes, I’m going to focus on one for this blog post. And it is one that was brought up by something a woman said during the debate surrounding the Kavanaugh hearings.
Will Boys Be Boys?
When men or boys behave badly, we have all seen people shrug their shoulders, maybe even manage to look a little sad because it’s what is PC (politically correct) these days, and say things like “boys will be boys”, “he did that in high school so that makes it excusable”, “we’ve all done things we regret, right?” That then is what excuses the bad behavior. As long as it’s “boys will be boys” behavior there’s no need for any apology or admission of fault. And anyone that gets upset and tries to demand some sort of penance or retribution is treated with condescension and made out as the real bad guy.
I just saw a woman interviewed on a cable news channel and here’s what she said about the supposed Kavanaugh sexual assault incident:
“We’re talking about a 15-year-old girl, which I respect. You know, I’m a woman, I respect. And we’re talking about a 17-year-old boy, in high school, testosterone running high. Tell me what boy hasn’t done this in high school? Please, I would like to know.”
I was floored to hear that coming out of a woman’s mouth in this day and age. And yet, how many women 
believe what she does? How many women perpetuate the sexism, harassment, abuse, and even rape by raising their children to believe that “boys will be boys”? Women are still predominantly raising our children. We are the ones teaching our youth what is right and what is wrong. If we really want to begin to see change happen, then somehow we’ve got to start by helping our own gender begin to understand how harmful that belief system is.
The next question then is how do we start helping these women understand a new truth for themselves? If some women are so disempowered that they don’t even realize they are feeding into the system that keeps them down, how can we get them to see anything else?
One thing is for sure, arguing with these women and threatening them only exacerbates their fears that their sense of security may go away, and that is not an effective tool for change. These women are afraid but their fears are so deep-seated that they don’t recognize them. Instead, they are convinced that they are not being held down by men, they believe that they are doing these things on their own account and not because they are victims of a patriarchal society gone rogue.
What these women need, and quite frankly all women need, is a support system that lets them know that they will be secure even if they don’t kowtow to men. Rather than picking apart women because of how they look, dress, act, behave, we need to come together and for once become a place that is loving, welcoming, supportive for all women. And the good news is that this has already begun. There are many more companies run by women and men who are consciously striving to support women. The #MeToo Movement and the subsequent organization called #timesup are supporting women who are called to step up and face their perpetrators. But we have a long way to go.
The more we are aware of the problem, the more we can affect change. So it’s time to become aware. Women still believe that they need to do certain things to get hired, to stay hired, and to get ahead. I don’t need to list what these are. But until we provide enough places that women can go to where they don’t need to do these things to get hired, stay hired and get ahead, this problem won’t change.
All of the women who had to deal with Harvey Weinstein knew that even if they chose to walk away from the opportunity because of his abhorrent behavior, there were 100s, maybe even 1000s of women waiting in line behind them who would be willing to sell themselves for the part.
This is why we don’t see change. This is what we’ve got to work on. How can you help? Where can you begin to provide the support to women, so they don’t feel like they need to believe in the ‘dog eat dog’ world? Where they don’t need to sell themselves to get anywhere in life?
It’s not about a ‘women versus men’ mentality either. We aren’t here to fight anymore. That’s how we got 
into this situation in the first place. It’s just that it’s time that women started providing help to women so that we can help each other stand in our own power rather than believe that we get our power only from men.
The more women know that they have a place to go, a shoulder to cry on, a job that will respect them, a chance to get ahead that is based on pure talent, skill and knowledge and not anything else; the more we will see change in the world.
Let’s start right here and now. Do you have resources that you can bring to the table to do just that? Here are some ideas for where you might be able to help:
1. If you own a company or are in a managerial position, you have the ability to set the example for both men and women that work for you. If you haven’t already, begin the conversation. Make sure that employees and contractors feel safe in expressing their concerns or telling their stories. Set the boundaries, make them clear.
2. Can you offer services for women that help to bring them together? Can you offer counseling, group therapy, empowerment programs? Meet-up groups?
3. Let’s do our best to reach out to the women that still believe ‘boys will be boys’. Let’s see if we can communicate and by doing so, discover what’s really going on behind those beliefs and truths. It’s time to understand and have compassion for these women who have fears that they are not even aware of themselves.
4. Send funds to or volunteer for organizations like #timesup so there are resources when women really need help.
5. Any ideas you want to add to this list, please send me a note and let me know!
Set your intention that it’s time or time’s up. We will no longer stand for ‘boys will be boys’ and we will do everything in our power to help educate all women why these kinds of beliefs are no longer acceptable nor tolerated. #timesup!!!
Let’s make this a peaceful revolution, led by women, into the new age of strength, courage, love and support for each other.