We are fed up, we are sick and tired, we are disgusted, we are angry…and we’re not going to take it anymore! That’s the cry heard round the world from women who have been living in a man’s world (a patriarchal society) for a little (or a lot) too long. 

And now we’re ready for a fight. The anger that has been simmering for eons, but most markedly becamemore obvious (to women that is)beginning in the 1950’s when the ideal for a woman was defined by men and propagandized via mainstream TV (which was of course controlled and run by men). Families began to sit around the TV and watch I Love Lucy, Leave It to Beaver, Father Knows Best and The Honeymooners. Women for the most part were still put in positions where they were to act as the good wife, the good mother, the perfect woman. Except for Lucy who got into all sorts of scrapes, these women epitomized a man’s idea of what makes for a perfect woman. Basically, someone who lets them run the show, be the boss, and makes them feel like they are manly, powerful, and always right. The woman should never, ever, EVER, confront them or make them look bad. And the man always comes out in the end as the smart, level-headed, rational one – which even happened, unfortunately, in Lucille Ball’s case. 

The anger felt by any intelligent, independent woman has been percolating since those days. And the fact that the television series, Mad Men, was so popular and came just before the explosion of the #MeToo Movement (the series ended in May of 2015), might lead one to conclude that it had a hand in helping along that explosion. The series is set in the ‘60s and shows just how prevalent sexism, misogyny, and condescension were back then and unfortunately, are still here in the present – although not as obvious. We are REALLY done with how women have been treated as second-hand creatures. And we’re ready to start a revolution to make it stop NOW. 

The only problem is that women in general, and the feminine aspect specifically, represents creation, life, compassion, nurturing. We are the ones who, through the miracle of childbirth, can actually create life. It’s not in our fundamental nature to want to create violence, vengeance, retribution. At the most basic level, the feminine aspect in human beings is meant to be receiving, warm, loving. While we all have aspects of both the masculine and feminine within us, some of us have more of one than the other.  

For example, some women have more masculine energy than others. Think of powerful women or women in roles that have been traditionally very masculine roles, women who are often called Tomboys when they were young. Sandra Bullock’s character, Gracie, in the Miss Congeniality movies is the epitome of a woman who leans quite heavily towards the masculine energy. There is nothing right or wrong with that. It’s just what is. For the most part, there are exponentially more women holding a greater amount of feminine energy than those leaning towards the masculine aspect. It is predominantly to these women that I am speaking. We are the ones who may not feel comfortable making a lot of noise. We don’t want to be confrontational. We want to see change but we don’t want to do it in an aggressive, more masculine way.  

So what do we do? How do we make change happen when we don’t want to do it in what seems to be the only way men in power will hear us? The #MeToo Movement has been such a significant tool for change and yet it is done for the most part by using the avenues of anger, rage and retribution. And that is not necessarily what the majority of women want to do. We are the silent sufferers, the silent survivors. And we can be a powerful lot if we are given the right tools for change.  

In a recent post of mine I suggested using the Wonder Woman Stance as a way to start to really feel the power that we all have within ourselves (http://www.thefreespiritproject.org/2018/09/10/metoo-movement-you-and-the-5-oclock-news/). The more women understand that true power comes from within and not as a way to have power over others, the more we will begin to make change happen. You don’t have to take power away from another to have power yourself. And that is what men in power don’t understand. They are so driven by fear that they can only gain their power one way which is to instill fear in others. Which then hides their own fear from the world. 

The Wonder Woman Stance is a powerful way to begin to feel the power within. It is only the beginning however. It is something you do in the privacy of your own home or behind a closed door at your office. What about when you are facing harassment, discrimination, or bullying? What do you do then? It probably won’t change the situation much if you just stop and stand like Wonder Woman with your hands on your hips. It might help you feel better, but you will also have to act on your newfound power to see change.  

Standing up to power can be intimidating and it can go against everything you have been taught and told is the proper way to behave as a woman or a ‘good girl’. The good news is that there are ways to begin to shift the energy of a situation without having to make it a big deal. Small, subtle actions on your part can have significant effects on others, sometimes without them being aware of what is going on. 

Disclaimer: The tools I suggest are meant for less aggressive forms of harassment, bulling and demeaning behavior. As always you will have to use your judgment in each situation. These tools and suggestions do not apply if you are being physically abused or if there is a threat of physical abuse. If you have experienced sexual assault or abuse, please go to a professional for help or call one of the many sexual assault lines. 

One of the tools that I began using when I first faced harassment, bullying and behavior that was demeaning toward me, was something that seems hard to believe as a powerful game-changer. But trust me, it worked like a charm every time. And it is my favorite tool to pull out and use because it involves laughter (#justlaugh).  

Most people don’t understand what I mean when first I tell them to laugh when they are in a tense situation with someone who is either harassing, bullying or demeaning them. But when I explain that by having the ability to just laugh in any of these situations, you have taken the power back from the person who is trying to control you. You have let them know that this is not something that you need to fight for or that makes you feel demeaned or ashamed. You have changed the game on them. You have managed to take something that felt terrible and laughed it off. You have thrown them off and they won’t know what to do. And best of all, you start to feel better.  

When I was living in Australia for a couple of years, I learned the phrase “take the Mickey out of (him or her)”.  It basically means to make fun of, mock, tease, joke or scoff at someone. I almost always saw it used by men to other men. And that’s what men do to each other. They can call a guy out when he is doing something offensive, stupid, rude, ignorant. Guys do this to guys all the time. So why is it when a guy does something really stupid to a woman like decide he’s going to drop his drawers and pull out his weenie, we women go into this place of horror and shame? Why not just laugh at the guy, tell him you really don’t need to see his ridiculous looking penis and keep on laughing until he finally puts it away. As I mentioned earlier, there are times when the man might get aggressive so use your judgment on whether this is a time to laugh or a time to simply figure out how to escape. But either way, the more you can laugh at the situation and not get offended, horrified, ashamed, the more you will begin to teach these men that what they are doing isn’t working any more. They have no power over you. 

They may try their same game a few more times, but the more you are able to just laugh, the more you will find different ways to respond to their power game. And you will be standing in your power. They will most likely stop playing the game, or go away, unless they are truly vindictive and cannot stand to ‘lose’. In that case there are other things you can do to stop this ridiculous power play which I will cover in future posts.  

Try this the next time you have a run in with someone who wants to ‘win’ by showing you how much power they have over you. Just laugh and you will see how much a little thing like laughter can really be the perfect tonic for difficult situations. It really is true that laughter is the best medicine. And you will discover a new power within you along the way.