The exciting news about the #MeToo Movement is that it has paved the way for women to finally stand up to those in power. And we’ve seen it happen again and again in the news over the past year. But what about the rest of us who just want to figure out how to change the story for our own harassment experiences without wanting to make the 5 o’clock news?

Not everyone has gotten the memo on harassment and how it was supposed to be done away with in the 20th Century. Here we are already almost 20 years into the 21st Century and harassment is still alive and kicking. So what’s wrong with this picture? Even with the public shaming that has become more frequent, it seems like the perpetrators still behave as if they aren’t doing anything wrong. Those that have been caught have been so bold as to talk about it as though it’s something they just have to do a small penance for and then they can get right back out there and ‘keep on, keeping on’. There’s no talk of going into a ‘rehab’ for harassers and heaven forbid doing any jail time at all.

What about you? Are you seeing the change for yourself yet? Do you experience sexual harassment at your workplace, at home, in social situations? Are you sick and tired of dealing with it but don’t know how to make it stop?

While the #MeToo Movement has made significant headway, there’s still a lot that has to be done. And in order to do it, we may all need to pitch in, if we really want to see the changes happen in our own little corner of the world. It’s not about sitting back and waiting anymore but figuring out what you can do for yourself to make some changes. The good news is that there are some things you can do that don’t require a whole movement and mass media to get them done.

First, and foremost, it is important to understand why the harassment is happening at all. And summing it up with “men are a-holes” is not the answer. The real question is “why are these men being a-holes?” What makes them tick? While it may not seem like it on the outside, because they come across so powerful and confident, the reason they behave the way they do is because they are afraid. They are afraid of someone finding out that they aren’t who they try to come off as. They are terrified of losing their position of power over others and so they need to keep ‘puffing’ themselves up to keep the façade from crumbling to show the weak-kneed little boy that is trembling underneath. They don’t want to lose and losing in this case means letting go of their position of power.

So how does this help you when they are harassing you at your workplace? The first step in changing the dynamics of the situation, is understanding what is going on. Once you know that they aren’t really all-powerful, but that they are trying to make you believe they are, it becomes easier to pull back the curtain and expose the real man hiding behind.

The next step is to become the observer rather than the victim. See what is happening as if you are looking down from above at you and your perpetrator. This helps you to become less emotionally attached to what is happening. See him for what he is. The sooner you can do this step, the sooner you can move on to actually beginning to change your behavior in often very subtle ways that will let him know that you are on to him. You don’t have to shame him or embarrass him in order to see the change. All you have to do is shift your own energy around the situation, and you will begin to see changes.

Exercise: Wonder Woman Pose – before you go into a meeting or have an encounter with a harasser, do the Wonder Woman Pose. As ridiculous as this may sound, it really works. Just stand up tall, put your hands on your hips (or even raise them into the air above you making a slight V with them) and hold that pose for 2 minutes. In fact, try this out at home, every day for 2 minutes and you will start to feel the power that you have within you rise to the surface where it belongs. It takes practice to feel the power when you are in a stressful situation, so don’t expect major changes right away. You may need to observe yourself a few times before you are able to disengage from the emotions enough to actually try something new.

There are many things you can then do in the moment, once you are aware of what is really going on and have become the observer, that will change the dynamic, yet, while these solutions are simple, explaining them and the underlying reasoning is not, so I’m going to break this into several posts. Otherwise I would be writing a novel instead of a blog post. Stay tuned for some lessons on laughing, silence and no more Ms. Good Girl. Until next time…be free!